WatchingTheFlashbacksIntertwine

I Havenothing - Whitney Houston

2011-12-16T20:39:00.002+08:00

Going off the radar.
Again.

Sukcs to be me now.
But I'll be awesome in a few months time i swear!

2011-12-06T18:22:00.000+08:00

I need to get a job, pronto!

Im broke like a sec 2 kid!

Korban

2011-11-07T20:29:00.001+08:00

Sheeps.Blood.AwesomeFood.Gossip.Baju Melayu.

Selamat Hari Raya Aldiladha. :)

bum.bumming.bummer

2011-10-23T23:56:00.000+08:00

Any progress with my job hunting?
Guess not, or if i think positively,
maybe a slight 0.0001%.

i know i can easily get a job with the government hospitals but
i just not to. choosy much.
All i know, i wanna do something that i want and know best then rot in
a management i know i will hate.
I dont even wanna think about it.

Finding ways to get money but to avail just yet.
But just maybe, doors might open for me soon.
Hopefully.

Previous Version

2011-10-17T06:14:00.001+08:00

October 16th.

I've been bumming at home eversince I ORD,
Yes freaking finally am done with National service.
I had a lot to say about my 2 years spending it tryna save the country, but I thought, just save it.

It was great and yada yada let's move on with life.
I am 2 years late if compared to my other nursing friends who started their career earlier, and already almost finishing their 3 years bond.

Ironic to the that paragraph, I'm still in the lazing mood and still wanna bum somemore for life is just, easy. Though I must say I think about money all the time, 24/7. Money minded?
No, I'm just worried that I'll use up my savings, whatever its worth saving while I had the time back in thailand days, with no income currently, it will go dry very soon. Very very soon.

Speaking of which, I miss thailand.
So much that sometimes I spent hours looking through photos taken there and feel, damn it was awesome!
Stumble upon some new perm staff in Sai Yok and it kept me thinking, why is there this certain feeling, I donno, envious? Sad?
I look at them and I know they're having the time of their lives.

Here I am, starting from scratch again. Seriously.
Boring.

I should start blogging regularly again.
I almost forgot how it feels like to pen my thoughts and feeling at ease that something is out of my chest. Even for a bit. Cos I honestly, have a lot to say.

So till the next entry...
I need a job. Pronto.

Previous Version

2011-10-17T06:14:00.000+08:00

Time Of My Life

2011-08-19T05:27:00.003+08:00

Pardon the lack of updates ever since June.
Not that I am expecting anybody to still be reading anyway.

I am finally back home from my 1 year tour in Thailand.
Its been a month actually since I touched down and resume life here.
Before I start, prior to this writing, I was reading back my old entries
done throughout my journey embarking Thailand.
A gush of mixed feelings, trains of thoughts bullet through. Slide shows
of picture memories played on, Just then I realized, how dear that experience was
and how I miss it so much.

Back tracking to one year ago..
As I read, remembering the sad guy who had to leave and i
can still very much relate to the words I wrote then.
I wanted to make everybody happy, I didn't wanna see my mom cry.
All I wanted was to make everybody happy. Everybody except me.
But I didn't manage to, because I was leaving. or so I thought.

The initially phase,
I struggled trying to adapt to the new life I had in Thailand.
I kept saying I miss home, I kept calling home, be on Facebook all night long, Skype, any means as a matter of fact, just so I could feel like I am home in Singapore. To talk to family, friends.
I remember how weak I was.
I kept very much to myself, didn't open up to surrounding people.
I was cynical. I actually considered hurting myself to be send back. Yeah i did..

And as I kept on reading, I saw myself change, saw myself grow.
Started to be accepting, brave to face reality.
Slowly finding things to be happy about and smile.
Talk less about home, in fact i did call home less.
Start to focus more on myself and my goals.
Venture. experience. learn. Made friends. party. Shopping.
nature. be silly. travel. sing. smoke. Thai massage.
work hard. Did braces. had a pet cat, and 3 kittens! =)

I came to a state where I was comfortable and very very contented
with life, i was happy. It was life. Thailand was home.
It showed me another side of life Singapore couldn't.

And the next thing I know, i was on my flight back home.

In between now and then..
1 year and 2 months that i was away in a foreign land,
I saw myself grow so much wiser.
For the first time after so long, when I put myself first, I felt
so much lighter. Just the thought of not having to please anybody. I had no worries.
I have been the people pleaser all my life, and this journey showed me
what I have been neglecting, myself.

Just not having to deal with dramas, not having to answer to anyone, no one to tell me not to. I was taking charge of my life.

All of us there, was just living. As it is. No gimmicks, no dramas.
Life was so much better and beautiful. So much simpler.

The camaraderie bonded was strong, stronger than I've ever felt throughout my NS life. Maybe because we live together and we only have each other as our backs.
That makes us appreciate one another better. And that's what I don't find here.
What I know, its all about, 'i want it my way or you don't talk to me'. I'm sick of that.
I'm sick of having to be the stupid one to succumb to everything.

For that 1 year I was away, I've never felt so much joy. rejuvenated.
There is a reason why, its been a month that I'm back and probably not many
is aware that i am, simply because i just wanna be off the radar.

I use to want for everybody to be happy before me,
This one year has taught me that I am much more important than trying to please friends to get into their good books. Fuck that life.

This is what Thailand has taught me.
To never neglect YOU for YOU are the one in the end living that life.

So having to struggle in the beginning, being so weak, afraid of everything new,
I grew out of it. I just, got older. I am no longer a boy.
This one whole year which I thought I regretted,
turned out to be the time of my life.
And I'm not just saying.

I would do it over and over again. period.

Linger.Lingering.

2011-06-05T01:40:00.003+08:00

DateCheck: 05 June 2011

By right I should be back home by now.
At this point its no use regretting my decision
of extending my tour here in Thailand.
Its only an additional of 2 months to the tentative date of 21st May.

I've learn sometimes decisions made that seems right initially doesn't
always turn out to be what it promises.
I was very much comfortable with life here, bank account's getting fatter
by the month, closet's getting pack by the week. What's not to love.

But little would I know how people around us, no matter how cold, bold
we can be, it affects us. The change of perm staff is somehow taking its toll
on me, for some reason. I know I cant expect things to stay the way I like it
to be, like they say, the more you want them to stay, the more they change.

Life here is just seeing day by day basis.
Nothing to look forward to except my departure home which
is pretty much confirm yet far ahead.

Less than 2 months to bear, I'll call SaiYok history.
Something I'll be proud of, something I'll talk about.
But somehow, I'd rather go thru the hassle of Singapore.
Its home, afterall.

I'll see u Singaporeans sooon. Till then,
I'll keep anticipating for casualties.

TickTock

2011-05-13T02:08:00.000+08:00

Have you any idea how close I am to going back home?
2 months, well supposedly I end my tour this coming 21st,
but since I have a few more agenda up my sleeve to clear,
I chose to extend my tour till July.

Honestly Im tired of Thailand.
Tired of all the politics.
Of the place.
No offence, but thai people and their language.
Its still foreign to me. I mean it is lah.

I had it with them getting pissed at me cos Im not thai.
U see, they will blabber in thai and i"ll go im not thai,
they'll give me this fuck up face. I dunno why.
Im really not thai! not some phony thai...
I may look like you guys but i dun speak no thai ok.
no same same.

Its about time. Time to resume that sucky,
non-productive, nothing but just an overrated life
in Singapore,
But u know, that's home.

And I just cant wait.
Its gonna be Awesome.

When the Fire Turns Blue

2011-03-12T12:31:00.003+08:00

And one by one I start losing what I'd love
to call family. i wont lie.
I've been having grey days for sometime now.

I'm just waiting for my time to fly back home.
little did I know that I would actually consider to
extend my tour here but its pretty much confirm
that i"ll only be back be July in instead of the stated may.
Oxymoron much?

Well, I guess we are very much aware that the heart changes
eventually with time. I still remember how badly I wanted to turn
back time and stay in Singapore, and now?
It boggles me to how I do, feel about things.

I cant deny life here is like living the Singapore boy dream,
but to every climax, the thrill has to end somewhere.
When friends who I confide in, laugh with, rant with is no
longer there for my comfort,
even my strongest antidote, spending wont help
(see I'm not that materialistic afterall)
that dream life starts losing its kick.

You know, what I'm going through its like giving me an
insight to when I'm oldand my fellow comrades starts dying.
Its disheartening and inevitably
draining out my zest to continue.

And so I dedicate my heartfelt to my medical team,
those who left and to those who's still with me.
The laughter, joy and.. no tears lah huh only whines.
The times we shared are priceless.
The friendship we bond, are dear.
And you guys are definitely, irreplaceable.

How much im gonna miss this, us is palpable.
So till life do come to a full circle.
I'll still be here.

Baggages&Issues

2011-03-04T11:36:00.003+08:00

Humans are just attracted to what is beauty to the naked eye.
Only with time and effort will you notice what's beyond
that make up and coloured contact lenses,
that there is actually someone you have yet to meet because
I personally believe that everyone including myself have their own baggages,
their own issues and its bullshit to tell someone "what you see is what you get".

If you're lucky, you'll soon realise that that pretty face
is actually a disguise of some one so fugly. True story.

Dun be fool by the rocks that she got.

Its Never Constant, Never Will

2011-02-14T01:28:00.004+08:00

Life seems to take on a different route nowadays.
Im beginning to see myself more in camp
rather than be out there doing whut I thought
was seeking solace.

Somehow its feels okay to stay in camp or should I say home
compared to spending my time and moolahs shopping and partying like
I did for the past 8 months that Im here.
I guess Ive come to a point where i'll tell myself that ive been
there done that and now, im wise enough not to continue
that lifestyle I thought was a norm.

No it isnt, i know my roots well, Im not the guy
who drinks, parties, spend like I was born royal.
as time pass i guess people mellow down for no particular reason.

My time here is numbered,
and what I've been thru here, is nothing
but changes.

2011-01-15T15:22:00.002+08:00

TimeCheck: 2.25pm Thailand's GTM.

Its a saturday, a mundane one.
8 months into my tour here,
weekends have become like any ordinary one
of the week. I use to jump and shout cos I get
to book out and have a dose of my social life.

I've been a lazy bummer for too long now
but still gonna stay this way for quite sometime.
No, im not complaining, just saying.
Its true what a friend told me,
think about it, we have too much time to not do anything here.

On a brighter note! Yasmeen's gonna pay me a visit
this coming week! Random plans. But dont you just love
spontaneous random plans that could turn out to be the best plan
yet for 2011! Im excited to be her tour guide, but knowing me,
I'd rather sink into the tourist mood and act like ive never been to bkk.

I dont understand to why people, wanna come off like they know so much when they
actually dont? Smart alex!

2011-01-13T15:29:00.002+08:00

Look at where we are today, 13 days into the new year.
New year, new resolutions. Sometimes I feel that phrase is
overrated. Why set your mind to a new resolution only on every new year?
Shouldn't we practise upgrading everyday. Life wouldn't be so stagnant right?

2010 for me was a year of growing and learning.
I've been through quite a bit to actually say,
I am much wiser compared to when I was 19,20.
True, you get wiser as you age, but I believe only through
experience, mistakes and rectifying, you gain Cos I do know of people who is
way older than I am, but in my opinion, too young to handle life.

At times, hardship is your real bestfriend.
Only so that you're able to build a stronger defence for the next life crisis attack.
Cos life, I must say, can be a total bitch!

For Sharezan, Myself,I'm taking it easy this time round.
No high expectations, no dying wants, vital needs and what's not.
Maybe it doesn't hurt to be spontaneous and free-spirit?
I believe, Good things do come, even if you don't wait.
Cos bad things do knock on your door without any invitation,
Its just fair, to get both right?

I want to be able to describe 2011 as simple.
Speaking of which, I wanna thank my cliques in camp
who actually remembers my birthday last 2 days and actually
putting in an effort to make a simple yet lovely celebration.
I never imagine celebrating one away from home, but I'm content.

I guess I'm a true blue Malay, we get content at satisfactory level.
But you'll have to agree, it doesn't kill. We're still living aren't we?
Only hope, for 2011 to be a year for EVERYONE to smile.

2010-12-22T14:48:00.001+08:00

I am actually exhausted of
my non-stop line of meet ups.

I feel like a star attending press conference.
HEEHS.

2010-12-21T03:42:00.003+08:00

Greetings from Singapura!
Im home, at last, after some grueling audit.
Which I still dunno what's the verdict.
I left before it ended. Apologies for leaving
the rest of my team to face those auditors.
But thinking again, I was just there, to fill
up the spot. I had no department, so yeah.

Now that put aside. Singapore is still
pretty much the same. Same Hype. Same old Things.
Checking my organiser, im pretty packed this
2 weeks that Im here. Time to reconnect.

As much as I wanna do everything I could.
I rather just laze around. Home leave mah.
I should rest.

Though having said that, I miss mat the cat,
Our pet back in camp. I heard they send him somewhere
far away. Fuck that bugger. I miss him dearly.
I really do. So for that, I tribute this lil space,
For the cat who has been my sunshine for all those days
I feel like noone cared, days when im happy.
He was a friend. My bestfriend. Have a long life mat.
I know u have 9 lives, use it wisely.

2010-12-05T00:28:00.002+08:00

Highlights: PayRolllllll......

The long awaited pay has finally checked in.
=)
Time to get down and dirty with Chatuchak.

Updates: Yet another performance.
I dunno how it began but it seems like Sai Yok
is always pack with celebration and jubilation and
everything associated withhaving a good time/party.

So this coming 14th,
I've been requested to fill up 30 minutes of
not airtime, just time, to entertain.
The only thing im worried about is...
What do I wear? ;)

Audit is just around the corner and the medical center
is still very much in a mess,
that also, I, We have to get down and dirty with it too.

Dont worry my dear friendly senior medic.
We'll kick-ass Im very sure of that.
Afterall they did send up the best medics SMTI has to offer.
ok joking.

When Crime Becomes A Norm.

2010-11-27T12:45:00.005+08:00

Timecheck: 11.49am Thailand's GTM.

Im still in my jacket, not showered.
In camp. Weekends are here again.
Counting back, its a record of 20 days in camp.

Sounds mendak(boring) huh?
Okay laa, not as bad.
Went out for a Light And Sound festival last night held
in kanchanaburi's River kwai, The WW2 memorial site.
Learnt a lil bit of history and yada yada.

Nothing great. Highlights probably was the spectacular fireworks.
DID YOU KNOW?
Fireworks are legally played here?
And they play it like its free. They sell it on the streets.
Like big time fireworks. Those you see on National day,
They sell it for like whut, 180 baht which is....less than SGD$10.

Thailand, LU ROCK!

Uhuh. One day, im gonna get it, and detonate my own fireworks here.
Without getting caught laa by SAF commanders. shhhh.

Other than that, life's like this.
On a high note, 18 days to Singapura!

When You're 932miles Away.

2010-11-22T21:16:00.002+08:00

Do you really believe him when he says
he wish he had you by his side all day long
when matter of fact he's banging a thai girl
almost every weekend?

Think about it.

I pity them girls. Really you're marrying this guy?
Sigh.

2010-11-20T14:12:00.002+08:00

Yet another dull weekend.
Nowhere to go, no, actually
cannot go, cos im on duty for the weekends,
Again.

But having lull period is the shit
cos everybody just seem to sink in into this
lazy mode. I hardly see any movement ever since the last
training frame left.

And I my dear people, have been sleeping way too much.
I actually opt for my bed instead of BKK for my last off days.
Somehow It feels good knowing, Im not spending more than whut I should.
I should really practise this RIC culture. R-est I-n C-amp.

Next Off day not due till end of the month, Till then I shall
not rot laa, just stone in camp for the time being.
I need to hit BKK soon, So many things to buy,
So lil time. Home leave's just around the corner!

People are already bugging me with stuff to get.
Chet. Cant they just appreciate my return. No la, JK.

2010-11-18T20:31:00.004+08:00

Updates:
Sharezan the great is flying back this december
16th-29th.

Excited? maybe a lil.
Im not as excited compared to the last home leave.
Reason being maybe cos last home leave was the first.
Plus it was a super huge surprise that left my mom's jaw dropped.
I went home sneaky as a mouse.

Nonetheless Im still looking forward. To meet up with them kids
who i've not met whut seems like forever.
We had plans to go for a short getaway while im back but guess its not
happening due to time constrain.

Its A okay, spending time in the ever great Singapore should be fine.
Speaking of which, I need to run alot of errands. For those who somehow
find it a norm to have a list for me to get. HAHA.

Till the day comes.
I shall leave with a blonde joke that i fill my time reading when
camp seems to not offer me anymore excitement.

A blonde was driving the wrong way on a one-way street,
She pulled over as ordered by a police officer,
police officer: Ma'am, do u know where you're going?
Blonde: No, but I assume its a bad place cos everyone's leaving.

2010-11-17T17:57:00.002+08:00

With lotsa Love,
Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha.

May everybody, all, noone left in the blues.
Smile!!!!

Yours Truly

2010-11-15T02:31:00.003+08:00

Power Ranger

2010-11-14T02:54:00.002+08:00

One of my officer got married today.
or rather it was just an enagagement party.
Was held at a floating platform my the river Kwai in
kanchanaburi.

Sounds like a nice party/reception huh?
Yes of course, only that he should have considered
the guest getting nausea/seasick cos the flatform
just wouldnt stop rocking. I was tipsy without alcohol!

Nonetheless, Congratualtion my dear, Alpha 4
Your fiancee so the pretty lah.

2010-11-12T16:19:00.001+08:00

Someone told me I was like a vault.
I store too much.

Blame the people who somehow just find the need to tell me
EVERYTHING.

2010-10-22T17:54:00.002+08:00

Work and politics are like hands to glove.
As much as you want to keep peace with almost
everyone, you just get tangled into it even before you know it.
Its not a healthy game for sure. It's a dirty game.

Really I didnt mean to poke my nose into anybody's business nor
do I want to be the cool kid who knew too much and telling
even more than whut is real.
But yes I am in the middle of work politics, back stabbing and bitching.
In army context. Irony.

I feel bad for whutever's happened. For adding oil onto the fire.
To be honest I didnt expect things to blow out of proportion.
Now, probably just me being paranoid, I live with having thoughts that
people might second guess for everything i do.

This game, I played before, back during my juvenile days.
To play it now again, is simply tiring.

The only solution, what's done is done,
Live life like its rainbows and butterflies.

oh and learn how to filter my words.
Cause as we know, words can kill.

2010-10-08T22:04:00.001+08:00

Greetings from Thailand. =)
Hope everybody is in the pink of health
and in the high notes of your week. Its the weekends!

Its been a while since I pen down my virtual thoughts for sharing
my whereabouts and well-being.
I'll start with, Im doing good. Life in Thailand is
finally treating me right. Drawing to 5 months now since I last
remembered cuddling sappy about life.

How time has past. Though life is as per routine.
Nothing bizarre nor happening to ramble about.
Just random perks here and there. Times to be reminisce for sure.

Did fly back to Singapore last raya. How I thank god for that
cos I cant imagine spending it here.
No doubt I feel for the rest who had to work back here in camp.
Like they say bros, Good thing come for those who wait.
Believe it.

Had a blast though unfortunately I didnt manage to catch up
wit hmost of my connections back in Singapore.
However spending quality time with the family compensate it all.
It felt just like a blink but it was worth it.

There's nothing more to ask for now.
Im pretty much settle and probably loving it.
Like I said before, Thailand is a land of possibilities.
5 months now, and there is still so much to venture.

I smile cos I know, when I get old,
I have an interesting military story to tell
to my grandchildren...

Thank You Allah.

2010-09-06T18:50:00.001+08:00

My pockets full. I need to empty it soon.
Im gonna pull something so good.
Doesnt matter whether its gonna turn out great or not,
I know there will be smiles. prolly tears.

People, I have a big surprise!

2010-08-12T22:43:00.000+08:00

Remember what a sad boy I was 3 months back?
Remember how I wish for things to be different,
For time to fly REAL fast so i can go back home?
And how it was the lowest point of my life?

Eversince then, Whatever happen to him?
Pretty much i guess, time took care of him.
To think back, i feel much different.
Almost brand new.

Its been almost 3 months, not a very long time though,
but it feels its been quite a while since I start to let go,
of the life I was very satisfied with, remember? hahaha.
And i would say, im over cuddling and sighing about life.

I see the bigger picture now. Its time for me to step up.
Just what I need before I start carving my own life later on.
I mean, Im practically living on my own expenses, juggling
everything that I have independantly. And I would say, im doing well. =)

No doubt I miss my connections back in Singapore.
But for now, This is where I belong.
This is home.

Its true, Time does heal everything
Don't you just love time,
Too bad it doesnt wait.

Im all alone, And finally, Im getting stronger.

2010-07-22T23:03:00.000+08:00

Its been two months, that Im away.
I'll tell you that Im doing good, having fun.
Im glad Im here cos I've tried things that prolly in Singapore
I'll get charged for. We call it cheap thrills. Literally cheap.

Thailand is a land of possibilities. You never know whut
you're gonna do on your next off day, who you gonna meet or how.
That's whut I like about it, unpredictable.
Known yet undiscovered.

The people might not be my cup of tea as for now but Im dealing
with the changes. Changes that are vital to make me more versatile
to what may come in life.

But in the midst of every little adventure I get to
experience here, my mind still fly away back home,
Thinking about how it used to be..
And I miss every bit of it.

Somehow I feel once I get back, things will change.
Just somehow.
Distance To my opinion, either make bonds tighter
or destroy it slowly.

No, Im not that home sick.
Just that I feel, its a pity.
The life I had was good enuff to make me happy.
Guess good things all has to come to an end. Someday.

2010-07-20T01:17:00.000+08:00

At times, it strucks me to how strangers do
share with me almost everything.
I dunno whether its the face or vibe I exude.

Not that I find it a bore to listen..
I love listening, thats where I get to know them..
Build my own judgment yet not discriminating.

Only there will be times, I would think to myself,
I keep being the one who listens...
In the end,
Who will listen to me then....

2010-07-16T23:15:00.000+08:00

I woke up today missing someone I should not.
Its a closed chapter, Long Long time ago,
Chucked one side in the library of my memories.

But I know its inevitable. I know its just natural.
You know, reminiscing about it..
I can smile, cos it was good times shared.
Things we did, you did, I did..

I came to know myself in a different perpesctive.
And I honestly miss being that someone who was
a comforter, security and a lover.

If only things didnt had to be so complicated.
If only I could have felt a little bit more special,
I would have give it my all.

Nontheless I thank you for the memories.
I should'nt, could'nt, would'nt miss you..

But I do.

Long Gone And Forgotten

2010-07-07T19:38:00.002+08:00

So, Its been whut? near 2 months?
Feels more like home now since I've
move around the furniture in my bunk to my liking.
Add a lil lights and deco, now it looks like my room. =)

Thailand so far, has shown me alot of things about life.
When you're dealing with it alone, that's when you learn the most.
Alot of things I thought I couldnt live without, I could.
And things I thought I can live without, I cant.

Its like a journey to search for my soul. hoho.
Im very much contented with life now.
Whut I have to go thru, why and how.
It doesnt bother me that much to how long its gonna
take to be back home.

But then again, Im afraid..
You know they say absence makes the heart grow fonder,
What if, its too long, that im simply forgotten?

p.s: Guess I will know, who will in the end, stay....

2010-07-02T00:47:00.003+08:00

Nobody knows how you feel, what you desire,
who you really are.
You try to hold to your faith but still you're lured
losing your sanity in that bar.

The more you hope for things to change
The more they seem to stay.
You lose track of your paths
as you hopelessly stone the night away.

You keep thinking about life
Feel your emotions flight
and you cant help wondering why
That very decision, doesn't feel right?

Yet another sip still doesn't kill the pain
So you pour it down and ash off the cigar
Deep down you know, Its up to you cos
Nobody know how you feel, what you desire,
Who you really, really are.

Choosing The lesser Evil

2010-06-27T11:18:00.004+08:00

'Everyday seven takes of the same old scene
Seems we're bound by the laws of the same routine
Gotta tell you now before I go to sleep
But I guess, I'll just have to live with it'

Im not exactly broke but at times I feel I need to watch
how I spend cos main priority here is to save up as much.
Bangkok is a sin city. Be it Lust, Greed or Gluttony.
Im somehow glad mine is Greed rather than the other two.

Simple reason because at least whut I over spent on is something
I can see and use for a very long time, Pay 2000 baht for a 9 second
orgasm, I'll take a raincheck on that.
Which brings me to a scenario that is so classic leaving me
boiling last night.

2 boys wanted to see the slut scene in Bangkok so much,
but broke (guess the phrase "no money no honey" didnt came out as a Bugis street t-shirt joke only, it serves as a purpose biatch!)
So moving on, U know how these places u go in, u need to buy urself a drink,
Buy them girls some drink, and not one girl, like a few, I wasnt about to waste
my money on that, seriously. But I did cos Im doing them a favour. (Whutever happen to me telling myself to be selfish. -_-)
But they just look like lost kittens who didnt get their mama's milk.
And how great, I have to lead the pack, because they simply have no fucking balls.
But I did, cos Im not gonna waste my time standing at some satan's breeding spot.

I didnt enjoy, The mamasan kept pestering me to 'bum bum', pay for sex.
Im telling the world once and for all,

Im not gonna stoop so low to pay for sex with a thai girl who probably have aids.

So kalau takde duit, buat hal takde duit.
And please, I had it when I have to make the decision for other people's
plan. If I were to plan it, I'll be on my own.
Nak step gerek tapi takut, then jangan mcm paham ah.

Really. Sometimes a boy just need to have bitchfits to let if off.
So go build whutever judgment u have upon me.
Cos I dun even care now.

2010-06-21T23:59:00.002+08:00

A very warm greeting to you people.
ok let me do this, SAWATDEEKAP!
sai bai dee mai?
Hope everything is doing well wherever you are.

Sai Yok Camp is going into Lull period,
Whut is lull u might ask?
Basically is slack till u get tired of your own jokes period.
The training troops have safely gone back to Singapore,
and we the perm staffs are left to finish off whutever there is left.
Waking up at 9, ending work at 2? then slack all u want.
Good life huh. NOT.

Today, I sent off a friend back home, He ended his service tour,
like finally, and I have to say, there was this inch of bittersweetness.
Sad, cos he's a good friend and he has to leave now.
Happy, cos I see the glow in his face. Something I've never seen before.
And I keep asking myself, When am i gonna have that glow.
I guess time will tell.

Im doing just fine. My mom ask me, do u still wanna go home?
I said of course, no doubt. But truth is, I kinda lied.
I told myself, If its not gonna be a year that I face this,
then I wont be satisfied.
I remembered my resolution for this year.
To be fearless, try new things and be a man.
And boy, HE really did give it to me. A year, Away.
I have to do this, and I will.

So always remember,
Be Careful Of What You Wish For.

2010-06-19T22:12:00.002+08:00

I have too much time in hand,
u want some?

Its been a month now and lets do a reality check.

Im still in Thailand, will be for the next 11 months to come.
Im getting so dark cos of the ever hot climate here.
Im gaining weight since Thai people decide to cook us REALLy good food.
Im spending alil bit too much for my first month here.

Something though that never will change,
I miss home.

But nonetheless im starting to enjoy my time here.
I can't wait for end of the month.

If the rest go for their "oil massage therapy",
I'll just stick to my retail therapy.
=), thats pretty goodd enuff for me.

2010-06-12T19:51:00.002+08:00

It really is true. Time heals everything.
All I needed was time.
Only sometimes I feel I have too much
in hand, which either I could complain about it or
I could make the best out of it,
The latter sounds better isnt it?

Its gonna be a month soon.
Thank god for Bangkok and my delicious bank acc,
Weekends are time to rewind and destress for whutever
there is to worry about.

Shopping is my antidote,
And will always be for the rest of my life.
Sorry that its not soccer. But I pretty much am happy,
being just myself. =)

I think, for once after a long time,
Im gonna be okay.

2010-06-07T23:34:00.006+08:00

If 15 days ago I felt like I could die,
now, having been holding onto my only thing left, faith,
I feel stronger. Probably there's still an inch of bitterness
but at least I dun cry myself to sleep anymore.

Im settling in okay with the 7 days routine here.
Work, people and life.
I guess the only time that I could really be myself is when
I shop.(hahahaha). Retail therapy has always been my antidote
for blue days and grey skies.

Bangkok was awesome, even better the fact that I only covered one
shopping centre in one day. So meaning there's more to come. =)

I shall leave my flight back home thoughts for tomorrow's agenda,
Because for now, Im packing myself with places to venture
in this land of smile.

Thailand has shown me what Singapore couldnt, in every little way.
But Singapore still holds what I am and ever will be.

2010-06-02T23:52:00.005+08:00

And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track

It does feel like its gonna end soon..
Just like any other,
But I just have a feeling that after all,
We'll pull thru eventhough the sky seem so grey
and the tough gets going.

Know why, cos we're just too cool to
melt apart.

2010-05-30T21:24:00.003+08:00

Today is back to camp.
The picture above sum up whut I feel.

Kesian baby pakai bedak babi. hahaha.

2010-05-30T01:45:00.004+08:00

Ok, presenting the sad sad thailand medic.

Okay ni part cool gilerrrr.

Tell me how the people are to be english educated, even the government cant spell library. And we're talking abt library, the irony.

So our short getaway from camp ends tmr.
Back to reality. And I hate reality as for now.
Back to aimless work routine and whuts not.
Still I wont get drunk even if reality bites.

I want to stay holy. =)

Damn, 2010 seem so long and pointless.
I actually plan for 2011 and overlook this year.
Cos somehow i know it wont bring me any good.
or so i think.

2010-05-29T00:47:00.002+08:00

Suddenly it feels good to be out of Singapore.
Well only because im on my off day and im out
in kanchanaburi's town, feeling feeling holiday.
=)

Im gonna make the best out of this 3 days im out
of camp. Gosh camp really suck. I shall say that again.
CAMP REALLY SUCK.
So now in a hotel, gonna venture more tomorrow.
That I cant wait. God is great.
Guess who I end up with in thailand and this 3 days.
Shar Riezkandar, a really good friend back in
secondary school but lost contact after sometime.

Guess its time to reconnect!

Oh! Virgin ride on a tuk-tuk today!
Okay I know, lame, But fun!
I wanted to take a photo, but the rider/driver
was speeding like a bullet train so I wouldnt risk opening my bag.
If not, everything gone with the wind.

If only it ends this weekend and I could go home....

2010-05-28T00:30:00.011+08:00

And so today was a brand new day.
I tried something new. I dared thru steep steps
Of this temple (i dunno the name), which is located
right on top of a hill, mountain? (very high, no kidding)

Tiring yes, but the view from the top was half breath-taking.
half only. Nice lah, and the wind was omg so nice.
Things we do to make our lives more exciting.
But hell yeah ah, I climbed like whut, 500 steps.
Where in Singapore can u do that.

Something to be happy about being in Thailand.
=D

Ouh Happy Vesak Day!
Long weeknd huh! ENJOYS!

2010-05-26T22:57:00.003+08:00

The army always tease we, soldiers with news,
I still remember how my OC from SMTI would say,
Do you want the good news or the bad news first?
And we always chose the latter. Dunno why.

Today, I've got news.
After talking for some time with the medics here,
I come to know that the guy who Im replacing, super badly didnt want
to go back to SG (smirk, why in the world sia, so apparently he has a GF here)
He requested to extend his service but was denied and they wanted me
to come up to Thailand a.s.a.p.

I mean seriously, whut a situation,
I badly dont want to go, and he badly dun want to leave,
We could have compromise. Really. Where is the justice.

The other news, The Brunei trip which I opt for, is cancelled.
And my friend who was supposedly going is damn disappointed.
I wanted to switch country with him initially way before I know
my date of departure. We wanted to compromise, but no, we weren't given a chance.
It could have been me in the situation, I'll gladly say, YAY ITS CANCELLED right
in the warrant's face.

I just dont understand why life sometimes can be a bitch.
There's so many situation where I could escape this horror.
But I guess whuts fate, is fate, I cant fight or either could I be GOD.
Im losing it, bit by bit.
And now I understand a chao keng's feeling, (muahahaha)
Once you dont want to do it, u'll find a thousand excuses not to do it.
So therefore, I am on a mission.

A mission to abort THE mission.
(evil smile)

2010-05-25T21:40:00.003+08:00

So today was the first time I set foot on
kanchanaburi's town. And it was scorching hot, then it rained.
Then its back to sweating like a pig.
Apart from the difficulty tryna find a money changer cos
Nobody, nobody can speak english, it was a good out of camp feeling.

By right, I should be booking out after 5 days but I have to
keep reminding myself, if I do book out, there isnt home that I
could go home too, and that fact hurts me alot.
I just cant wait for home leave. hehe.

I think I can be okay cos I keep suppressing my feelings,
but gosh, my hips, no, my heart wont lie.
People, its so hard. can I say that again? People, Its so hard!

Listen, if u have plans on leaving home for more than 3 months,
Think very very very hard. If you're like me,
very much attached to my family, friends, and basically life in Singapore,
Dont. Cos its gonna be hard.

I really miss just going back home and hear my mom
nagging about my room being messy.
I miss the laughter and joy I share with my gila friends.
I miss lepaking in my crib till wee hours, just doing nothing
but feel relax and happy.
I miss going out late at nite cruising around and spent aimless times.
I miss chatting with my sister on her crib and laugh till late nite
and have mom nagging again.
I miss karaoke-ing with the usuals.
I miss clubbing with my clubbers.
I miss my clothes.
I miss hearing my dad's pet birds chirping in the morning.
On top of all that, I miss having a life.

The one that I left because of no particular reason.
I said once, I need time to forgive myself.

See, I was never a problematic kid until now.

2010-05-24T22:46:00.002+08:00

I just realise when my mom mention just
now over the phone that it feels that I've
been gone for too long, fact is, its only four days.
And I confidently told everybody its my fifth day yesterday.

Im really nervous about tomorrow, I have to participate
In the UFP, which i still dunno whut it stands for.
But basically is to train for your IPPT.
And the one in charge is, I shall call him a monster.

He screams at everybody for anything that he could think of.
I havent get my share yet of those deafening vulgarities but
Im just waiting for time. People have warned me that he likes to pick
on newbies. Damn. I already feel bad enuff coming here and now,
him. Walao.

You know whut, im not, never gonna let him affect me.
I just wanna be happy, can?

A friend once ask me, how do u not get caught in SAF.
I replied, Just stay low. low profile.
And he differed by saying, So they ask you to eat shit, u eat shit?

Its not that dumbo, U follow, no matter how your heart aches,
U follow those regimental shit. Cos afterall not everyone in SAF
is young and is low ranked, So we just have to like the army would say,
Suck thumb. Means, live with it.
Just so you wont be so outstanding that the superiors know you
so well so as to pick on you always.

People are dying to be popular in high sch,
In the SAF, I bet they all wanna be invisible.
trust me.

And I guess I have to learn sucking my thumb like a baby,
All over again.

2010-05-23T23:20:00.002+08:00

And so days pass as slow as the internet connection
here in Sai Yok. Work isnt as demanding back in SG
bu I guess thats the whole reason why time seems to
fly pretty slow like a fat bird...ok the analogy sucks.

I wouldnt say Im settling in but im doing okay.
Trying my best to. There's a lot of things here, more of
life routine that I need to get use to. I havent start doing my laundry!
And trivia for you, here at the cookhouse, goood food comes with a price.
We have to wash our own dishes. -_-

Apart from sleeping in a room full of Korean girls poster and cars and what's not,
A room so diff from my style, life is, simple here I should say.

Sometimes I thank whoever, for im a smoker. Ok whutever.
Only reason is because everybody here, name who, is a smoker,
and somehow smoker tend to get along. Im just waiting for time
to settle in.

Everyday without fail after solat, I'll pray to god he gives me
strength to face this phase and for time
to my end of tour fasten. If not end of tour date,
my home leave. Ouh damn, I Miss my mom!
And everybody else. Im a sad kid. =(
And then I call my mom, and everything's fine.
Yes, Sharezan is so mummy's boy. And Im proud of that.

p.s: Thank You for reading.

2010-05-22T19:16:00.002+08:00

At last,I get a chance to say hello
to you earthlings that i miss very much.

If u read the past few entries, I mention about leaving
for Thailand for a year. As you guessed, yes I am here.
Kanchanaburi, Thailand.
And this place, Sai Yok camp would be my home for the next
dozen of months. (haha)

Let this enrty be the few ones that Im gonna strip my feelings bare.
I have to be honest, Im at the lowest point of my life now.
Yes thinking about it, its not as bad as i think it is, but truth is,
I've never left my family for more than 2 weeks? That is also cause of SAF.
Confinement during BMT, remember? (haha)

I am emotional, and i'll stay this way until I find peace here.
Peace with myself. And forgive myself for letting me, go through this
phase for no necassary reason.
Home, its definitely better than any place in the whole wide world.
First nite here was the worst to get by.
New bed, new place, new bunkmate, new country.
That is a whole different level already.

I didnt get to purchase a local sim card here on my first day so I couldnt
call anybody. There was no one I could talk to, nothing to hold on to.
I was at the verge of just going AWOL, I swear.

Today is just my third day, things are going okay.
Made friends, adapt a lil with the routine.
And im just hoping for better days,
Pray with me, will you?

2010-04-03T12:46:00.002+08:00

Last entry was just super mellow.
I wasnt kidding when I say I've cried enuff.
But u know, it's true, when u just cry it out,
pour it all out, u feel much much better.
I dun feel as heavy hearted as I was last week.
BOOO to phrases : boys dont cry, big girls dont cry.
EVERYONE should cry.
Let's celebrate Tears, for once!
(pops a bottle of wine)

Im done dwelling on Thailand, fcuk it for May.
But, As much as I wanna inject myself with an inch of euphoria,
I cant, cos Im broke. And u know how money is somehow the
key to everything for your lovely world now.

Im broke to my last cent. and that spells trouble.
Ouh no, not again.

2010-03-28T15:24:00.002+08:00

My wish for my 21st birthday was for everybody
to be happy. Everyone else ahead of me.
I know it sounds corny and all but that was sincerely
what I wished for cos I've seen enough tears from someone
else's eyes.

2010 so far, has been an emotional year,
And probably things would still stay the same throughout.
I foresee 2010 to be a year that I would grow so much
out of my childhood.

The only reason why I wrote down my wish here, you know the cliche
of if you tell your wish, then it wont come thru?
I figured probably it will not come thru anyways.

It's gonna be a huge step for me when I leave for Thailand soon.
Yes, Im leaving for Thailand for a year.
I really wanted my mom to be as happy as she can be, be a good son,
an obedient one this year and for years to come.
But as for now I guess, I'll have to live with the guilt
of making her cry, because me, her lil boy wont be by her side
laughing and cracking jokes with her anymore.

Im sorry mom, I wont be here when u need me.
Im sorry I wont be here when u're sick.
Im sorry I wont be here for your birthday,
Im sorry for making you cry.
and Im gonna miss you, like never before.

Life always takes you to heights you never imagine.
Like a rollercoaster, the seconds ticking while u're
climbing up the track, adrenalin makes you think so much
about how ur fall is gonna be.

Last May, I took my chances in something I wanna pursue
that failed, I tried and I cried.

This May, again, Im taking my chances in something, that
would be the last thing on my mind, Leaving.
For now, all i could do is try.

For I've already cried too many times even before it happens.

2010-02-26T23:11:00.002+08:00

Some Songs should never be listen to forever.
Cos when you thought you're over it,
Then you realise,
you haven't.

2010-02-15T04:39:00.002+08:00

How naive can a person can get when it comes to love.
You take chances cos u believe.
You emo away for sometimes, expectations,
what you habour deep inside, doesnt go your way.
Leaves you with nothing but an ache right in your cardiac region.
Not even the most powerful dosage of GTN would help.

I need to stop thinking that people are perfect,
cos when I found out their flaws, I tend to judge,
feel jilted, for some reason.

Is this whut u call a failed infactuation?

Happy Valentine's Day. Nonetheless.

2010-02-05T20:16:00.002+08:00

A warmth Hello to the lovely world.
Its been a while since I run my fingers
on this keyboard and do whut seems to be a
norm few months back, now, just another opportunity.

Nevertheless life's good. Kicking, literally.
National Service is not that bad afterall.
Weird, but its..life now. Not an obligation.
Furthermore I get to know people, widen my circles
and I feel more at ease and somehow rejuvenated.

5 more weeks to calling myself a train medic.
A top 5 medic apparently. (heeehee)
Im not boasting. Im just happy. =)
Having said that, to maintain to where I am
now, I feel jaded once again.

Butcha know whut, having being the ever
positive, optimistic Sharezan that I am,
When there's a will, there is definitely
no doubt about it, there is a way.

And so I'll leave you all with a huge kiss
from my heart straight to ur's. =)

Happy21st

2010-01-24T00:59:00.002+08:00

If there is one thing nobody knows about me,
that would have to be how I love walking back
those memory lanes alone. Reminiscing the good ol'
days and smile because I know I've lived my teenage
life on a good note.

I smile becos I know the people in my circle now
are those who really matters.
I laugh becos I know I had a good time making memories.
And for that, I wanna thx god for all blessing HE has given me.

No doubt, I've went thru alot of shit but its only human to
make mistakes and learn from them.
I've come to an age where, there is no time for fantasies
and wishes.
Its time to be someone who does something, for real.

Its funny when I read back my old entries and I see myself
maturing from time to time. From how a mere 17 year old boy
grew up now as a 21 year old adult.
New age, new beginnings.

Its time, to do things without hesitation.
I dun wanna regret or live thinking on what if's.
Im a few weeks late, but I just wanna wish...

Happy 21st to, your truly,
Sharezan Dollah.

2010-01-01T19:40:00.002+08:00

As I say goodbye to 2009, I welcome 2010
with alot of reflection done upon myself.
2009 had taught me a couple of things that
I feel is very vital as I continue growing
as an adult in my society.

2009 wasnt really my year.
There are just more downs than ups that
I went thru. Some are which I just have
no control over it. And it sucks thinking
about it and questioning yourself the " what if's".

But having gone thru loss, rejections, failure,
those negativity, I felt there is a need to feed
on the positivity there is to suck off it.
And it all spells..Learning.

I just hope I become wiser and 2010 would be a
more fulfilling year. I should really shake off
the naive and juvenile Sharezan. Its time to shed my skin.
Im turning 21 soon. =)

Damn Im a big boy now. haha.
Oh and A very Happy New Year to you people. =)

2009-12-20T14:30:00.002+08:00

Chilled. Pilled. Batam-ed.
Did prolly whut I could during this
block leave, and now Im back to military life.

Sharezan, is a combat medic, just like everybody
had thought or want me to be.
Im excited, somehow.
Expect the Unexpected.
It might, might just be hell too.
:{

Our Proudest Day

2009-12-10T13:57:00.002+08:00

It was probably my most satisfying day.
The day we all have been waiting for.
Finally, I was able to throw my jockey cap
way up high, and with that
I threw away all those bad energies I had ever had about
my BMT. I felt a sense of joy, I was proud of myself.

It felt like it was just a couple weeks ago I was dragging
my boots to book in. Having to settle in a new environment,
new regimental routines, I thought I couldn't pull through.
I was never athletic nor was I so into becoming a soldier.

Military wasn't my field at all. It was like putting a fish
in the air asking it to fly. But impossible is nothing.
Now, at the state that I am, I feel Happy to know how far I've come.
My BMT experience has mould me into someone stronger, faster and
better. I use to fear NS so much it is ridiculous now to think of
it.

Not only did I gain knowledge but also good friends for life.
Those who we call brothers in arms. HAHA.
Thank you for the wonderful times we shared.
So it's true afterall to the caption on the banner just before you enter
the compound of the training ground, it says
Its not what you leave behind, but what you'll gain in the days ahead.
I use to snicker to myself when I read this. Not anymore I guess for now
Im a traaaaaaainnnnned soulja!

In conclusion, I pretty much believe you all would notice,
Im Happy.

p.s:POP LOH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-11-15T14:16:00.001+08:00

Botak.

2009-10-24T16:20:00.001+08:00

The fact that Im half way in as half way out I would be,
Its finally gearing down my overpowered motor.
I feel happy. Somehow.

Anyhooos, yo whutsup WORLD!!!?
OK BYE.

2009-10-18T13:08:00.001+08:00

Hello World!
Im back, and going Back.
Bye world! =)

And A Happy Birthday To
My dearest Shikin!!!
Hope U like all the
sugar salt kicap santan and everything
nice poured for you!!

2009-10-03T17:49:00.001+08:00

Its not too late to wish all my muslims a
Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri
Minal Aidil wal'faizin.
=)

2009-09-19T22:26:00.006+08:00

Having been away from home for more than a week
feels extremely weird, For the first time I felt in a
foreign place in my own country. Fresh people, fresh(not so fresh)
place and yes, suicide regime I have to follow, it all coils
down to responsibility. Imagine, I got excited when I saw an SBS Bus. -_-

Where have I been u may ask,
Serving National Service that is,
isnt whut I was looking forward
at any point of my life. never.
But a man's gotta do whut a man's gotta do. Sheesh.
The haywired body clock and lack of sports activity
wasnt helping at all.
I mean waking up at 4, to jump around in singlets.
Really, It came to a point I just could only sigh.
That is because of the strict, every mistake = confinement discipline.
I feel like a dog. kesian dog.

And Im back home today, for a day or two before I start the same
routine at Tekong. Im already getting tired of it.
Not to mention tired. I mean, really exhausted.

Ouhwells, Its the eve of Hari Raya Aidilfitri.
So Wishing u people A Happy Hari Raya, maaf Zahir Batin.

Why am I not excited one bit about it.
Siiiiiiiiighhhhhhhh.

2009-08-30T21:36:00.000+08:00

Suddenly my head is bursting with ideas
to revamp, rejuvenate everything about Sharezan's.
To make it more me, and in time for Hari Raya.
My room needs to look as glamour as the person. Right!?

I've been wanting a new look but never really
got my butt to start and now!
I guess Im pretty much there, progressing.
And Im happy with whut I see. Well at least
whut I think I would see. There's alot to do.

Okay thats done, my hari Raya outfit!
On the way, Im so excited, raya-cited, rarabaazar-cited!
I've yet to hit Geylang the hottest, literally, place to be.
Work hasnt let me had any time for that, but Im surely going.
Kata orang, tak sah bulan puasa tak ke Geylang, kan kan kan.
Having said that, no worries, work ends next friday, tekong not due
in two weeks, so I've got sometime to get my things ready.
Im still celebrating HARI RAYA no matter whut!

PayDay, which I hope is a frigging bomb!...is coming!
I can smell it, dunno how much but can smell. ouhsobest.
Just in time for shopping sakan! yay!
ooooooo. I've been tired, emo for the past week,
I guess its time to be jolly and happy and everything nice.
Selamat berpuasa and selamat menyambut hari raya aidilfitri!

damn, u hear those lagu raya!?
Best nye!..LALALALALALA.

"Kuih dan muih beraneka macam
makan lah jangan hanya dipandang.
Ketupat Rendang Sila Nikmati, Kawan
Penat memasak malam ke pagi...."

2009-08-29T04:58:00.000+08:00

I still remember how I would rant at
my blog or to my friends how frustrating it
was to work for* Uniqlo.
I mean, really, the working hours, the workload.
It was terrible. For sure its been the
most demanding retail job I've been in.

But as my last day working with* Uniqlo draws near,
There is this slight bitterness in my heart.
Im leaving, for something I've feared since I was frigging 8!
I know Im always saying this but...
The experience I gain working, the people I knew...
is gonna stay as it is. As tight...
eventhough I'll be crawling on mud and shooting whutever there is
at Tekong to shoot.

I love you Uniqloist!
haha. emo lah pulak bulan2 puasa ni.
Ok time for sahur! nanti gi kerje lagi.

So u know people.
It was good lah, while it lasted.

2009-08-24T02:14:00.000+08:00

Kepada Semua Peminat Peminat Saya,
Saya Sharezan Dollah ingin mengucapkan
Selamat Menyambut Bulan Ramadhan
Dan Juga Hari Raya Aidilfitri Yang Akan
Menjelang Tiba! Best sekali.

This year is all about songkok!
Its more important than kuih tart.
Cos I have nothing left to cover my scalp.
*bitetongue**slapface*.
So Sad!

And The thought of leaving Uniqlo now is a heartache.
It has become a home, a place of familiar faces
and now I have to move on to something known yet undiscovered.
Im not thrilled in anyway.
Furthermore I have to sacrifice the hair this year.

Im one angry rockstar. -_-

2009-08-04T09:04:00.002+08:00

No doubt today is gonna be a bad day.
I find myself getting more techy by the
added numbers to my working days.
Not that Im a lazybumbum who refuses to work
but just that with work, I've become so unorganised,
for the first time I lost something valuable.
My wallet, And I just realised it @ 3 in the morning.
And I can't sleep and I have work later till 11pm. _|_
Imagine the money needed for a new IC, the trouble of getting
a new CashOnline card.
AndAndAnd I lost my pack of "life" too.
Not a good combo! It was a full pack to begin with. ShitFcuk.
In times, stress times when u really need to puff one. -_-

So as I lay on my bed just now blaberring to myself
or to God.. how unfair life is and ranting to the ceiling
how frustrated I am, eventually.. I fell asleep.
Merely 3 hours of sleep I was awaken by my mom, she had that look,
that look I reaally reaalllly dun like.
We lost someone today.

That very moment, I just went speechless.
Still am, but I just need to let it out.

Like I said, Its gonna be a bad day.

2009-07-24T02:22:00.003+08:00

24th July, has always been a date for me to celebrate.
To celebrate a person who is selfless, strong yet
fragile. A person who is a great leader, A determined
individual and a loving friend, And That someone
Im proud to call my bestfriend, Yasmeen Banu.
Today, We celebrate her day as she turns 21.

Many would claim to know her, know her well.
But me being the closest, I know, Know
that there is more to this girl than whut meets the eye.
She's calm yet cycnical in her own world,
Classy yet messy in her own ways,
Loud yet mysterious in her silence.
And these traits is why Yasmeen Banu
is taller in other ways compared to
the girls I've known. I mean, she is taller than
any average girl. But that's why She's the best!

7 great years and counting,
I couldnt ask for more,
And I thank god for her cos she's
always by my side sticking with me
thru thick and thin. Eventhough presence doesnt
always makes it up for everything, Just a simple
Thought would do. And I know for sure, Im always
in her thoughts, Not 24/7, but at least a minute in her
busy day. Its weird, cos Im writing like we're lovers.

But you know whut, there is love going on,
Its bestfriend's love.

Yasmeen,
Sharezan would like to wish u
A Happy 21st Birthday!!!!!!
Thx u for everything.

My Miss India, xoxo!
U know You Love ME!

2009-07-21T00:14:00.002+08:00

That is just a snippet of the whole
Gelek nite, It was even better, gelek-er, Glamour-er.
I was strolling down the pavement
with Sally when we heard Dangdut blasting from the nearby
community centre, I thought it was a malay wedding,
which is impossible cos its a sunday nite?, but still possible though,
Ok thats besides the point, and as we walked nearer we found this!

The makcik, or Datin wannabes are like dressed to kill,
like seriously to kill cos they're like makcik, in killer heels,
heavily sequined kebayas and scarfs, sumpah glamor!
ada best dress award lagi, like awesome kan!

Hahaha, I just find it funny at the same time
refreshing to see the older generation having fun,
clean fun, instead of inducing themselves with alcohol
to get the feel like those juveniles in clubs. Sigh.

And the band, yes there is a live band playing,
They're effing awesome like ahakk!
It matches up to like a big concert.
Like no kidding, and this scene,
Gave me a great idea of how Im gonna be when I get old.
HAHAHAHAHAHA.

And as starters, Here's a random one with Mun!
Haha.

2009-07-19T02:00:00.002+08:00

You know, one of my most favourite things to do,
is to Share ghost stories, like hell yeah.
When you get in the mood, in the right atmosphere,
Waduh, Goosebumps....
And I remember being the abang ijan who would
tell ridiculous ghost stories to my younger
cousins and they would freak out! haha,
I miss those days.

Tonight, was like reliving my childhood,
where I would cuddle beside my sister in our parent's
room, and my dad would tell us all these stories he ever encountered.
Really, I felt like a 5 yr old boy.

And as I sit here, Im not scared but more to
feeling blessed, to have a family like I do.
Ya'allah, thx u so much.
I know I've not been a good boy.
I hope you give me the strength to upgrade
for the better. =D, amin.
(Ok sidetracked)

And u know who is another person I would like to thank,
The makcik yang jual keropok tu, yang chang
bende tu,
Because she was the topic why we decided to
have a storytelling session till late nite.

Ouh, beware ok, like really beware, she's out there.
Somewhere.

And I'd love to have another storytelling again.
So best!

2009-07-16T00:58:00.002+08:00

So I was bored on my off day and decided
to have a haircut, just for fun.
And people..Im gonna have a bad hair..month!
Damn it. Fcuk it.

OUH!
and breaking news!
Guess who's in the top 24 for
Singapore Idol!?

Yay!!!!
MY LOVELY Sister J!!!
=D=D=D.
She's gonna go far this time.
Im Sure.

2009-07-12T23:52:00.003+08:00

Peringatan pada semua,
Sharezan, hanya akan ada satu je ok.
So jgn, org bugis kata, ituk-ituk.
-_-

On a lighter note,
Happy 21st To Muhd Najib!
May ur very holy wishes come true.
=).
Stay connected.

2009-07-03T17:57:00.002+08:00

I had the weirdest dream ever.
And I kinda like it. hahaha.

Which is the reason why I was running
late for work, took a cab and when I
finally reach on time!, I was not scheduled
to work. -_-.

Buang duit cab and potong steam mimpi aku!
hahaha.

2009-06-30T00:29:00.002+08:00

RANDOMNOTE.

Have someone come up to you,
and say you look familiar or you look
like someone else?
I get that ALOT.

Its flaterring at times, but when its
too much, you start to think your
features are mass-manufactured by some
old factory.

Im getting bored of the same old remarks.
Give me something else that sparks me, pls.

2009-06-29T00:21:00.002+08:00

Smart Alex ticks me off real bad time.
Like so the ye ye.
Orang cakap biar pandai, Jangan Pandai-Pandai.
Bahalol! ;|

Kenapa lah orang takkan sadar yang
diorang tu bebual world and sumpah
mendatangkan kebencian orang lain.
Like another term, Mr/Miss know it all.
Tapi entah ye ke tidak. Sebab tu lah
Mcm paham, mcm ye ye. sheeesh.

When is your feet gonna ever touch the ground?

2009-06-26T23:57:00.002+08:00

When something I rather keep it to
myself,I know its better left unsaid.
Either its gonna cos heartache or
heartacheS*.

I have my reasons to go discreet,
Im not some diva to be clattering about
my personal life. Really because I think
its unecassary. Simple.

Okay as cliche as its gonna sound,
people would never stop talking, but eventually
will when they get tired.
Fcuk no they wont. The length idiots can go
is amazing! Seriously.

Im affected, but more disappointed
with myself. For not living up to MY
own expectations and giving chances to people
to use that against me. Vulnerable as I am,
I still wont give in.
All I feel now is hunger.
Hunger to redeem whuts been taken from me.

But as for now. Im recuperating, Well.

2009-06-26T00:41:00.003+08:00

I was talking to a friend about how
girls can be so naive...
Relating to situation at work,
This girl, nice, sweet but sad to say
I just think she's a weak person.
Emotionally.

Falling for someone is great! shows u have
a heart, but falling too hard till you shed tears
for a boy u know for just weeks, who you apparently
just share a few mingles with? no girl. That's a no no.
Ha, I feel like a women activist but yeahaa.
Okay! Listen Up!

You've got to always keep in ur mind, Yes I can like
a guy, (that's ur decision anyways), but never ever
throw, or give, your heart 100% to something
YOU think might work out, because, being a guy,
I know, guys.. at the initial parts of courting,
they're just fishing*....
See if the bait bites then bingo. There's almost never a
genuine feeling involved. Correct me if Im wrong.

I hate, yes I do, to see girls shedding tears over a boy
who isnt really significant. It ticks me off, not cos I
find it irritating or whutsoever, but I think,
in this world now, Girls, you have to step up your game.
Relationships just got more complex than the norm.
Its all about self-worth.
And whut does Maybelline always say?

*Because you're worth it*

Dun disappoint Maybelline, can?

Always remember, FIERRRCEEEE!!.
So, play around and you'll be fine.
No, im not asking u to be a player...
It takes Time**, settle when its right.
ok chaoz. =D

2009-06-24T03:09:00.004+08:00

This post is with regards to an entry I read
posted by a good friend of mine.

Sometimes, people just won't buy it
when we say, its the passion that drives us,
not the fame. And people are just people after all.
They know nothing about feeling the heat flaring.
I feel her my whole heart, for every word is
what I've been wanting to say but never spoken.

Yes, Only a child who's holding almost anything
in his hands as his microphone would understand
that its just not another song, not another picked up hobby
or for fun, its serious and we know damn right it is.
I will admit here, nothing breaks me down, I'm stronger than
anyone would know but just this once, this chance I stumble,
I really fall. And I'm not talking about relationship or girls,
Exams or getting promoted. But something I've come to realise
its part of me and no one can ever erase that.

For this I'm glad at every fall, yes a number,
I have them as my backbone, hearts that really really
feel you, and for you. I mean, every sorrow I had,
I can rant it on any means I could, this blog for instance,
or even my closest people, they hear, but not listen. Cos they
dun feel or understand the drive.
Whats really out then?
So Thank you, lovelies.
You guys know who you are.
For I know, without ya'll, I'm might not
even bounce back.

You keep on pushing,
And when you get there,
remember the struggle and that's
when real satisfaction sinks in...

2009-06-22T19:37:00.002+08:00

Its been ages since I had a conversation
with this old friend, and in my head, I always
thought we're now world's apart and there's nothing
common to share. I guess its just silly of me
because now I've come to realise, a friend will
always be a friend, somehow. No matter the
years apart or how much things have change,
There's always something new to share, to talk abt.
Put aside the awkwardness, why waste a friendship right?

ok very the friendship counsellor-get a friend talk. -_-

Anyhooos, Congratulation to all
my lovelies who made it thru the auditions
for Singapore Idol. wooohooo.
All the best to Muni and Mizi whose
auditions are tmr and wednesday.
Fingers crossed, but I know they know
we know they're gonna make it thru, for sure.
I mean, if Bernadette could, why wouldnt u guys right!
hahaha. period.

2009-06-16T21:38:00.002+08:00

Anugerah tonight was interesting. :|

Anyhooooooooos. On a brighter note,
Life's good. Finally settling down with
the routine of this new job. =)
I think I like it.

Speaking of which, Im already missing
Yasmeen Banu who use to work underneath my
store and now she has flee to town for Zara.

I've been having interesting, very interesting
talks with her lately. It leaves me pondering
on my own. Whut if life is just waiting to surprise
you at the very unexpected time.
And the surprise is like....bizarre!! ( hahehehhahahe)

OhWell.
And sweet mama, my mother, got me a gift.
A super gift. Yay her, Yay me, Yay the gift.
=D.

Im counting the days before I sleep in bunks.
Damn, Live life Hardcore!

2009-06-12T02:16:00.002+08:00

Its not healthy when you drag
your feet to work, and so to make
urself feel better, u spend every
single end of your shift.

cos Im running broke!
geee.
but the phrase shop till u drop is
not in my dictionary,
I will NEVER drop.
and thats dangerous.

ok. xoxo.
omg so much like jannah and mizi now.
=D

Standby Earplugs.

2009-06-11T02:32:00.001+08:00

kara tak OK! from shikin on Vimeo.

Gooooooooood Times. =D
And yes Anugerah Out! hahahaha.

Credits : Shxkerudles!!! <3

2009-06-09T02:17:00.002+08:00

My skin has become thick.

Nothing's gonna stop me.
I fell into the same hole, twice.
The next time I get near it,
Im gonna cement it up. For good.

I've become so cold i think
its whut's best if I wanna win
my own battle.

*TeeveeMania*

2009-05-27T21:55:00.037+08:00

Graduation Day.

We've always dreamt abt this day
since year 1 and first of all,
I would like to congratulate all my classmate
and lecture mates who finally finished the
race together with me.

Poly life, is sure something to be remembered
cos I've met wonderful people and spent wonderful
times together though I have to say,
we had some rough times together.
But, I love each and everyone of my
poly mates and never would exchange them for another.

From getting countless attendance reminder
to winning SHS idol title, hahaha, which apparently Im
not idolise at all by any. -_-
3 years now seem so short.

That atrium in NYP, is not any ordinary atrium.
It's where I first met them peeps but hopefully not
the last.
Once again, I congratulate all of us!
And my dear fellow nurses, have a goood career ahead.
While other people are struggling with job interviews,
U guys already earn 2k!

We made the right decision to join nursing afterall.
=D =D =D

Just some lovely ones to reminisce.
ThxGodForCameras. =)

2009-05-17T23:57:00.002+08:00

Siti Susuhadah Sa'aban.
a lil shoutout for you dear,

Happy Belated 20th Birthday!
New Age but Old age.
Geddit? no right.
Call 98145839 for asistance.
Thank you.

I love you with all my
singing heart! xoxo.

2009-05-15T02:04:00.002+08:00

Im back folding clothes at Uniqlo again.
Thought, just hold on there for 4 months
before I fall in for NS at Tekong. -_-
That, is gonna be another experince. For sure.

Catch Jus at Suria this Monday to watch
Jannah and Munirah, for the Anuegrah Top 20 results.
I wish them all the best.
No matter whut, I know We know, Ya'll are damn good!

To more Fun Times.
Goodbye for now.
=)

2009-05-07T22:17:00.002+08:00

Sometimes channelling your emotions
to something productive can be therapeutic.
Example, I've been bothered by some
omgeeeakubolehmati reality, So I, run
and keep running, literally.
And I feel good.

I told myself, reality bites,
it does and it hurts.
And all I've got to do, is bite back
double the force.

Its just not me to curl up and dwell.

2009-05-03T23:14:00.002+08:00

Perasaan itu sesuatu yang tidak
siapa dapat sembunyikan walaupun
sepandai mana kita, manusia cuba
selindungkan. Lambat laun akan terpancar
juga segala apa yang dirasa jika tidak di
wajah, telus dari mata.

Aku memang tidak pandai berselindung,
Aku ibarat buku yang senang dibaca,
Coba lah aku untuk menipu, Coba lah aku
untuk tersenyum, tapi rasa terkilan tetap
akan nampak jelas dari mataku.

Kalau petang tadi aku hampir putus asa,
tapi aku tahu aku tidak selemah itu.
Aku akan bangkit, hanya masa penentu segalanya.
Mungkin, ini, bukan masaku, bukan rezekiku.

p.s: There is a reason why it is in malay.

2009-04-29T20:11:00.002+08:00

I pretty much believe if not 100%,
than more, that Im not, never will be
your typical guy that stereotypically
spend hours playing games, hit the soccer
cage for a game or two.

I wonder why.
I rather watch Dari Mata Arisa.
Hahaha.

Yes, Im proud of it.
oh, did I tell u 9/10 of my
life I spent singing.
Just something I want everyone to know.
=D

Sometimes,
Whut you see, is not always whut you'll get.

2009-04-28T22:44:00.002+08:00

Now when I look back from where
I stand today, I smile, I laugh.
I believe I've finally managed to
shake off all the unwanted specimens
that has been clinging onto my skin for too long.

I can't deny I had a couple of issues
that till now, I rather have it rest silent.
I may have lost friends along the way, but
that only shows that they don't know me well, or, at all.
Having said that, I have no regrets cos all this while
my tongue was fighting like swords and daggering thoughts,
I stood to whut I believe. Im not easy, yes I really am not.

People build impressions, be it positive or otherwise
and no matter how u try to be neutral,
You, only human, will always be judgmental.
Im very much aware of the labels I get,
And all I do is dodge it with my ice walls I've built.

Im just glad I have my strong support
whose hands are always there to hold, to catch.
I may not have the entire world as friends but,
Sometimes less is always more.

p.s: Im so looking forward for May, I really do. =D

2009-04-24T20:53:00.002+08:00

I have two more days before
Im liberated once again.
Something abt retail..
Its fun having its therapy but no no
fun when ure working for it.
My legs can tercabut anytime.
So on the 26th, Im saying goodbye to Uniqlo.

Like everyone else concerned, I cant wait for May too!
I know its gonna be an experience. A great one
no matter whut happens. =)

Okay lah last words,
To all new fresh batch of staff nurses whose
crying nite and day cos of the stress..
Stay strong, I know u didnt plan ur life
to be like this. But yaaa, Its all abt passion.
YAA right, tell ur sisters, go home and make
their husband happy. for good.

Ok toodles. =D

2009-04-20T22:05:00.002+08:00

I've been gone for too long now.
HELLO YOU PEOPLE! =)
I do hope everything's going just fine
for all of you cos Im doing fine too.

I've been occupied with my temporary job at Uniqlo
which I got on a super random note.
But it wont be for long. Till the 26th.
Just to collect some moolahs for fun before
I fall in for NS.

Work has been...ok laa, folding and more folding.
Uniqlo's publicity is just so over the top
that the queue is never ending! NEVER.

Other than that. Im still kicking and alive.
Though I miss bumming. Chet.
To more good times.
I cant wait to get hold of the moolahs!
I can already smelll it! ooo. Just in time
for an audit.....shopping. =)

p.s: I love you shikin and everybody else.
and and and, look who's talking right! tsk3.

2009-04-08T00:42:00.003+08:00

Michael Buble Rawks My Microphone.
hoho.

I heard David Archuleta performed at Bugis.
OMGeee.
Sad that I only know of it like, just now.
That's how dusty I am cooping myself up at home.

And And And, heard of the Deadly Rojak.
another OMGeee.
Now Im scared to go buy some Tom,Dick Or Harry's
Rojak, or anything for that matter.

Kesian makcik tu.
Al-Fatehah.

2009-04-07T02:51:00.002+08:00

Insomnia.
I cant sing myself to sleep
anymore.
And Im eating too much.
Sleeping too much.
Im FAT already.
Bleargh.

On a lighter note,
Retail therapy was gooooood!
=)
ok now I feel handsome.

p.s: Dun mind me, kepala hotak dah faulty.

2009-04-03T21:27:00.003+08:00

Random.

The mat behind us, u see him...
Care-rack gilllerrr or tangkap hamsem.
either OR!
HAHAHAHAHAAHA.

ok dah tu je. bye.

Di kesempatan ini, saya ingin mengucapkan
Selamat Berbahagia kepada semua fans fans yang tercinta!
ahahahahahai.

2009-04-02T21:57:00.002+08:00

Someone got me reeaal good for yesterday's
prank. Not farnie girrll. -_-
Chill ah, April fool whut, right.

Nothing beats just aimless meet ups
that never fails to divert my mind
from all the unnecessary issues that is adding
to my overloaded collection.

Bila lah nak episode terakhir eh? haha.

If leaving is the option, make sure you
stick to ur words cos I dun wanna see you
crawling back to my door.

And my hands are shedding skin,
And together with that, gone are
those issues/drama that 'I' created.

I thought I was the actor, but sekali, Im the director.
Little Did I Know. sigh..

2009-03-31T04:14:00.001+08:00

I need fresh air.
I really do.

2009-03-28T09:19:00.005+08:00

DID I TELL YOU!?

I got a brand new Adidas shoe that cost me $249.
Damn i love them to bits!! Went shopping, Got myself
gazillions of apparels from namely Zara, Ben Sherman,
River Island and I lost count of how much bukeroos I've spend
in a single day. Madness. Im also eyeing that new touch screen
phone and Im definitely getting it asap cos I
wanna be one of the first to own it.

And guess whut! This stranger went up to me
and said that I have a great sense of fashion.
I was totally high on mere words man, but damn!
&&&, Today - I smell Salvatore Ferragamo scent up my shirt.
Ok toodles, Im off Shopping again!!!

(the above, Is a fictional post.)

________________________________________________________________________________
Now that, is one person I pray to god I will never be.
U think its nauseating, I have nothing to say but STRONGLY agree.

Its 9am in the morning and this is whut a bum does.
But hey ey! Now you people know whut kind of
people I....dun fancy. =) Laters.....

2009-03-25T03:06:00.002+08:00

Ubin Ubin Ubin.
=D

2009-03-24T03:57:00.002+08:00

Firstly, Talyor Swift,
I already had my-ouh-so NSMen/nyonya
haircut. But all is good.
Less is always More.

&&&, Fuck the _ _ _ _.
I shall not turn up for the Xray appointment.
I cant be bothered to DRAG myself
all the way to Redhill again. -_-
Cos Im not a damn DRAGqueen.
ok no link. hururhur.

I got Ubin in my mind....
Say Yay to sweaty, mandi perigi day.
=D